


Dan and Phil Circus Games: GONE WRONG [Not Clickbait]

by worm_indifferent_to_the_string (hauntedwax)



Category: As It Is (Band), Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: ITS A JOKE I FUCKING SWEAR OK???, M/M, calcium deficiency kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:28:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25138465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedwax/pseuds/worm_indifferent_to_the_string
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 14
Kudos: 8





	Dan and Phil Circus Games: GONE WRONG [Not Clickbait]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rocknoutfrthdead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocknoutfrthdead/gifts).



“henlo internet” say uwu boy danny howel. he whister are ON noase. dany howll start talking into camara. _i am very the stealth_ he think to heself. _no body know im gay_. he lick lips at camra. “i like many dic inserted directly into my prostate hole” suddenly he hear a steady Honk Honk from behind him and stiffen up ffrom his head to his pinis. “hello daniel” the deep gravel voice of phil luster. dan dick twitch violently in his 39$ cargo jorts from macy’s with an 18" inseam that is now being stretched by dan’s swiftly engorging raisin ballz. another steady Honk. dan swallow his lung tht had been rising up he throat and turn around slowly. phul stood in the door, eyeing him like a piece of meat, or maybe like one of those knock off vegtarian hot dogs that taste like fiber and world hunger. of course, when dan look into phil engorged eyes he saw a new definition of “hunger”. even fil’s swollen red noes seemed to pulsate with raw sexual desire. this was no unusual for a clown. but wait… his crimson face ball was throbbing of its own accord. thats not what was causing the bone-chilling boner-tingling noises. dans terified gaze traveled slowly down philliam’s brightly polka dot clad arm to where his hand dipped below the waist band of his fool pants. the hand squeezed beneath the fabric. another Honk. phil stood honking himself steadily for a minute, never breaking eye contact. daniel reswallowed his right lung and then his left and made a mental note to get them reattached asap by britan’s universal socialist health care service. every hair on daniels twinky little chicken bone body was erect from the thought of socialism and also the clown honking in his bedroom door way. the camer was still rolling but dan didnt care because so was his stomch. adn then it happend. slowly, slowly, like a senior caterpillar on 500 bars of xanax, phill pulled down his pants to revel his penas, which was waering a mini jester hat of its own. dan fainted, breaking seven and a half of his fragile gayboy bones. ouch he realized as he lay in agany. then everything was darker than britain’s history of global imperialism.

he was awoken by a cruel slap across his sharpied cheek. his bumcheek. yes he also drew the whiskers on his ass, he couldn’t help where they chosed to come from within! phil looked him into the eyeballs, but dan could tell he was thinking about a different kind of balls. “you didn’t buy milk you stupid whore” he whispered sensually. “your legs snapped like a dry biscuit at high tea you need more calcium” it was so cute when phil cared about the emotional and physical wellbeing of dans legs. dan struggled for 2 hours to breathe before he could reply. “i also need the vitamin D” he replied with a fatal wheeze. philboy chickled mercilessly. “shit your pants” he commanded. daniele almost died. “i cannot my asshole is broekn”

“oh no” phil almost cried. “we need to get you an ass doctor”

he picked up his barbie phone and dialed. “Thicctologist please” he told the operator. 

hold music started playing. it was a sultry jizz opera complete with bonethrobbing saxiphone. and boy did dans bones throb even though they all hurt painfully. finally someone picked up.

“I am Panty Wattles and i will fix your anus”

phil gave them their address gratefully and then fed dan peeled grapes until he arrived. panty was wearing a sexy nurse latex outfit that could barely contain his Tittos. 

“tootdle oo” he sang and then stopped when he saw a broken man laying on the floor with a sexy clown feeding him small orbs of fruity goodness proven to improve digestive track function and lower the risk of heart disease. it was his number one fantasy so he began pissing his pants. 

phil stared at the puddle on the floor, blinking a few times before he spoke. “thank you” he whispered.

paty pulled a priceless artifact out of his brief case and began to wipe up the peepee. 

“no leave it” pleaded phfil, suddenly honking himself again.

daniel took a final breath. “did you steal that artifact you dirty englishman” then he flatlined.

“omg” phil said.

“when did you even attach a heart rate monitor ?” pattycakes asked. 

“it is- ” he choked. “ _was_ our kink”

“F” patty noddded somelny and handed phil a giftcard to the local cemetery and left, swaying his ass.

phil honked once in rememberance. his boy had died. then he looked up at the camera that was still filming. 

“well,” phil reasoned reasonabley. “this will make good clickbait”

and he began to giggle capitalistly. rest in profits, daniel howell!


End file.
